Lots of shitty things happened after I wrote my last post.
First of all, we had to rush my deadbeat dad to the hospital for dyspepsia then we had to pay for the cost of the whole hassle. It was a truly enlightening experience. I spent about three nights without sleeping just to watch over him at that private hospital to make sure that his needs were met. It was up to my and my younger sister to care, wash and feed him just to keep him alive. The whole experience grated on my nerves! How dare he give my sister a lot of grief! There was a lot of family drama, lots of tears and lots of triggers for me.
After three days, my depression started to kick in. My temper is also uncontrollable. I'm prone to major anger issues right now.
If it wasn't for my sister, I wouldn't even go there anymore. I would just lock myself up in my room and let him rot to hell. I won't move, I won't eat and I won't even show my face. It's his fault anyway that he always ends up in the hospital. It's not our fault. If only my sister wasn't so kind and caring, I doubt that we'll even bother with him.
I have a very long and troubled history with my father. It's not very good either. Let's just put it out there: I loathe him, I hate him and I harbor a very deep hatred for him and his kabit. Having such feelings is unhealthy and potentially dangerous for me. What can I do? No matter how much I pray to God, he's still alive. God, he doesn't deserve the oxygen.
Look, I am being attacked on all fronts. I also want to add that I'm also getting a beating from behind. All of these things aren't good for me! I don't need stress, anger, exhaustion, jealousy and other unpleasant feelings. They are my triggers. They are making me sick!
I'm looking at unemployment, slow dwindling of funds and being the caregiver of the most loathsome human in all of history. Wouldn't you feel depressed at these prospects?
When we got him out of the hospital, I went straight to Manila because I was going to La Union with Albin and his friends.
Yes, I felt guilty for leaving my sister to do the aftercare routine, to clean my worthless father's house and to buy his necessities. But if I didn't leave, you can bet that I will totally go ape-shit crazy at the slightest provocation.
What else happened? Oh yeah! Albin, Mervin, Joanne and I went to La Union on Thursday. Albin and I were just tagging along the trip for fun. We stayed there for one night.
Albin was sweet enough to treat me to a day out on the beach. We stayed in Aureo, La Union. The suite was gorgeous, the food was amazing and the view was great. It was great. (I also want to add that the cocktails were a little too strong but that's the best thing ever!) We also had dinner with a respected and well-known society family in the area.
We went back to Manila on Friday. Albin and I did the usual: check in at Hop Inn (& GO Hotel), eat/play/hang out at High Grounds and sleep. We also visited his mother who was also rushed to the hospital. We formally met for the first time.
It was supposed to be all shiny and rainbow bright when I came back from my mini-vacation. Nope, I still felt shitty and depressed as soon as I came back home. I don't know how to make it go away. Even now, I'm still feeling shitty. Depressed. Despair is here to stand with me now.
I should talk to my doctors about this. I should deal with it before it gets worse.