my life

I really wanted to believe that my life would be better last year. I got my dream job, I got a great guy and I got a great apartment. I thought that the good times would start rolling by then. Nope! Life will always pull the rug from under my feet so I'd be left with my butt in the air.

My job? No pay for six months because the company went on pause. My guy? Still no label, no official relationship. Both of these milestones barely managed to reach an anniversary. Yeah, they both started at the same time. My apartment? I don't know what to do with it.

I'm currently at home in the province. Things got crazy so I decided to go home instead to sort things out in my head. I'm at home with my mother, three siblings and two grandparents. My job was generous enough to let us all work from home before we completely stop operations by the middle of July. My silver lining is that I'm going to be working from home and paid properly for nearly a month. I guess that's enough time to sort things out.

I'm going to be honest with myself and say that I don't really want to go back to Manila for work. I'm not feeling hot about it. Maybe it's the onset of depression but I just want to go home to my family. I want to stay with my family for a while. Rest, sleep, eat proper food and probably exercise. I want to give up my apartment so I could work from home full time. Believe me, I've been trying my best to find a job that will let me work from home forever. 

But I know that I will also go stir crazy if I live with my family 24/7. They know how to push my buttons. They always manager to trigger me somehow. It's not healthy at all. But I have to bear with it while I get my ducks in a row.

I'll also be honest that I don't want to give up my dorm just yet because it's so convenient. It's so close to one of the most expensive cities in the Philippines but it's so cheap. It's also really hot in the summer because it doesn't have air conditioning and it's not really comfortable. It's just a place to sleep in for me. My housemates are decent ladies and I get along with them just fine. I only have a few clothes over there. You know what kind. The interview and business casual kind. I was thinking that maybe I still need them someday so I'll keep there in my room for the meantime. I also have a bunch of resumes over there.

I'm just making it up as I go along. I don't have a master plan. I don't even know what to eat tomorrow. I'm just trying to make things work out as smoothly as possible and minimize damage as much as I can. 

Working from home means paying no rent, flexible time schedule and opportunities to diet/exercise.

Working in Manila means paying rent, structured work-home routine and opportunities to see my boy.

In the next six months, I just want to make sure that I'll have a job, medication, bi-monthly checkups and something resembling a successful life. I want to make sure that I will be able to support myself. Either way, I know it will work out. I just need to see the hand of God working on it so I'll know how to adjust my plans otherwise.

Ever since I arrived last Sunday, I've done nothing but clean the house. I am very serious. I've cleaned all of the areas that I could reach. I wanted to make sure that my home will be clutter free. I guess it's hypomania kicking in because it's a weird feeling. Like having an extra shot of Redbull in my system. Let me also say that I'm not done yet. I will keep cleaning until they beg for mercy.

I don't have enough energy to make plans anymore

It's a struggle to wake up at 6 AM again to prepare for work. I live nearby so going to work isn't really an issue. But I always have a hard time waking up, showering and getting dressed every single morning. My schedule is normal and I like it that way.

When I started working on a more normal and regular schedule, my mood improved. It's because I also sleep on time every night and wake up at the same time. I always take my medication on time too. It's great. I love the company that I work with because they were kind enough to give me the schedule that I asked for.

Today is the last day for my work week. I'm planning to spend my weekend at home in Lipa with my parents, brothers and other relatives. I will also do my laundry and buy groceries for my father. I'll also try to play Tree of Savior because I already miss my character, Aya-chan. I'm going to train myself to see Albin for only a couple of times in a month to save money. I really want to learn to balance my time with him and my family. 

To be honest, I would really like to have time and money to do stuff I love on my weekends. I want to go to museums, get my hair done, go shopping and go to a spa. I want to sleep in and just sleep to my heart's content. 

bonding with my roommates

I live in a small apartment with three roommates in Makati. It's very near my office and it's got everything that I need. I can cook, wash clothes and store food in a refrigerator. This is a very big thing because it's not often that you can find a place that lets you have that.

My housemates are Mimi, Che and Ate Jo. We often kid each other that we live in a staff house and our company should pay for our rent since we're staying in the same house together.

It's a national holiday today so I didn't have work. It's their rest day too so we all decided to go to Market! Market! for window shopping and to buy ingredients to make Mango Graham cake. We went window shopping, checked airline ticket prices for Ate Jocelyn and then we had lunch in Tokyo Tokyo. We used GrabCar for both trips since there's four of us.

I tried to sleep early because I was going to go back to my 8AM to 5PM schedule at work. As it turns out, I was sucked into listening to a new Serial Killers podcast episode and online shopping in Zalora.