my life

I really wanted to believe that my life would be better last year. I got my dream job, I got a great guy and I got a great apartment. I thought that the good times would start rolling by then. Nope! Life will always pull the rug from under my feet so I'd be left with my butt in the air.

My job? No pay for six months because the company went on pause. My guy? Still no label, no official relationship. Both of these milestones barely managed to reach an anniversary. Yeah, they both started at the same time. My apartment? I don't know what to do with it.

I'm currently at home in the province. Things got crazy so I decided to go home instead to sort things out in my head. I'm at home with my mother, three siblings and two grandparents. My job was generous enough to let us all work from home before we completely stop operations by the middle of July. My silver lining is that I'm going to be working from home and paid properly for nearly a month. I guess that's enough time to sort things out.

I'm going to be honest with myself and say that I don't really want to go back to Manila for work. I'm not feeling hot about it. Maybe it's the onset of depression but I just want to go home to my family. I want to stay with my family for a while. Rest, sleep, eat proper food and probably exercise. I want to give up my apartment so I could work from home full time. Believe me, I've been trying my best to find a job that will let me work from home forever. 

But I know that I will also go stir crazy if I live with my family 24/7. They know how to push my buttons. They always manager to trigger me somehow. It's not healthy at all. But I have to bear with it while I get my ducks in a row.

I'll also be honest that I don't want to give up my dorm just yet because it's so convenient. It's so close to one of the most expensive cities in the Philippines but it's so cheap. It's also really hot in the summer because it doesn't have air conditioning and it's not really comfortable. It's just a place to sleep in for me. My housemates are decent ladies and I get along with them just fine. I only have a few clothes over there. You know what kind. The interview and business casual kind. I was thinking that maybe I still need them someday so I'll keep there in my room for the meantime. I also have a bunch of resumes over there.

I'm just making it up as I go along. I don't have a master plan. I don't even know what to eat tomorrow. I'm just trying to make things work out as smoothly as possible and minimize damage as much as I can. 

Working from home means paying no rent, flexible time schedule and opportunities to diet/exercise.

Working in Manila means paying rent, structured work-home routine and opportunities to see my boy.

In the next six months, I just want to make sure that I'll have a job, medication, bi-monthly checkups and something resembling a successful life. I want to make sure that I will be able to support myself. Either way, I know it will work out. I just need to see the hand of God working on it so I'll know how to adjust my plans otherwise.

Ever since I arrived last Sunday, I've done nothing but clean the house. I am very serious. I've cleaned all of the areas that I could reach. I wanted to make sure that my home will be clutter free. I guess it's hypomania kicking in because it's a weird feeling. Like having an extra shot of Redbull in my system. Let me also say that I'm not done yet. I will keep cleaning until they beg for mercy.