Everything worked out in the end. I am happy to say that I'm living my best life right now.
Let's count our blessings today: a well-paying job, an awesome boyfriend, our own condo in an affluent neighborhood, better relationships with my family and lovely friends. I am happy to be in the middle of it. I deserve all of the beautiful blessings that God gave me today.
A and I ended up living together in a charming one bedroom apartment after we agreed to start our relationship sometime in July. Our relationship is wonderful, exciting and loving at the same time. It's like being with your best friend and lover at the same time. He gets my quirks, my mood swings and my weird hobbies because we share the same interests and proclivities. He's awfully supportive of me when I said I needed to take time off because of my mental health. Our motto for each other is wherever you go, I will go. Whatever you need, I will support you. He's incredibly sweet and romantic even if he seems like a gigantic, awkward bear to other people. Well, as long as that side is all mine then I've got nothing to be worried about.
For once in my life, I know that I'm the only one in his eyes. I'm the only woman in his entire life. I don't have to compete with other ladies because he's chosen me. He will always choose me everyday and that fills my heart with complete joy. When we talk about our future kids and our future home, it's always "we" and "ours". Always ours. There is no doubt in my heart that this man who took his time to get to know me, my moods and my quirks had fully accepted me for who I am. Along the way, I've become whole so I can open my heart again for him.
He's the one that I've been waiting for all my life. All of the good, beautiful and amazing things that I deserve. A is loyal, faithful, malambing and loving to me. He washes the dishes, takes out the trash and reminds me why I've got to go to work everyday. The romance is still there when he looks at me over his coffee cup or when he sits beside me on the couch just because he missed me. Take note that I'm only in the sala and he's in the bedroom. He never criticizes my cooking, always kisses me when I ask him and sends me funny memes. A doesn't mind it when I cry to him after a long day at work or when I ask him to scratch my back. He's the practical one while I'm the dreamer. Living with him is a dream come true. No arguments, no clutter and no disagreements. Only healthy (heated) discussions and kisses afterwards.
Sometimes, I wonder if this is all just a dream. What if I never woke up from that tranquilizer in the psychiatric ER four years ago? What if I'm in a coma and I made all of this up in my mind? My anxiety kicks in because it views the good stress as stress. What if he leaves? What if he stops loving me? What if it's all a dream?
But A assures me every morning that this is real. This is my new reality. Just because I've done some bad things in the past doesn't mean I don't deserve good stuff to happen to me. God has forgiven me for whatever I've done.
Now, I'm engrossed in decorating Bellevue (our home) in simple, minimal style. I will start an urban garden soon in our balcony so I can watch the sunset with a cup of tea. I can do yoga and meditation in the early morning. When I'm done with that, I will start playing music on the piano again.
A will always be there for me and he'll just be in our bedroom while I putter around our little house. Someday, he'll be watching me and our kids from the window with contentment in both of our hearts.
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