[Diary] My current obsessions

After my last breakdown, I took some time off work to rest, start a new medication regimen and get well. 

So far, I've seen two doctors in the past two weeks and I've started on three pills for our new medical treatment plan. I've been sleeping close to 14 hours in a day. I always feel hungry and restless.

Whenever I wake up, I feel grateful for another day. 

Since I've been feeling on edge, I've started cleaning the house obsessively. A was amused because I've always found new things to clean within the house (except for the bathroom tho). When the restlessness fades off, I'm always tired and I often doze off in the couch in our living room. A doesn't mind because he knows I'm better off in a different room whenever he's playing his online games with his friends.

Anyway, I'm extremely bothered by my weight gain. I was on my ideal weight four years ago (48 kg). I was very, very sad when I weighed myself at the doctor's office because I found out that I'm a whopping 81 kg now. I wanted to cry. I was in denial for a long time. I knew that I was already obese and looked like it. Thanks to my meds, unhealthy lifestyle and healthy appetite, I'm at my heaviest.

I've been obsessing on starting over again with Herbalife with light exercise before and after work. That means spending a little on the diet but that's okay, right? Aside from my looks and body, I'm very scared that I might get other medical issues like hypertension and diabetes. Not to mention that it will be hard to conceive when I'm obese. Spending just a little for my health is justifiable, right?

One of the signs of mania is excessive spending. I've been spending A LOT of money for our new house. Well, that's expected because we just moved in so we didn't have a lot of the essential things we needed for the kitchen, bedroom and bathroom. Now that my house makeover is nearly done, I'm afraid that I'm looking for something new to spend on. That's where my diet and body comes in...

Aside from that, I haven't started on my urban garden and bought a piano yet. Oh well. #OneDayAtATime

I have to convince A that it's a worthwhile investment since we're sharing finances. He will be happier to have a slim, active and beautiful girlfriend.