I like to think of it as an extended vacation until I get hired for a job somewhere. For the past two months, I've lived my dream as a stay-at-home wife with an adoring husband in a beautiful home. It's the best thing ever! Alas, it will not last forever because I have to get a job to get out of the house and to earn money for my own needs (wants).
I live with my boyfriend, Albin, in a modest one-bedroom condo in Metro Manila. For now, it's just the two of us so we don't really do anything special besides breathing in the same space.
My daily routine consists of waking up, making the bed and going straight to the kitchen to make tea. I will sit in the couch, watch Youtube on our flat screen tv and ponder on my current state of mind.
Of course, I have coffee grounds and a coffee maker but I don't really want to stay up 23 hours. Kapeng Barako from Batangas is ideal to drink if I'm going to work and I need energy to keep my eyes open during the long commute.
Anyway, I will make tea for both us because my beloved is already logged into his Steam Account to play Tree of Savior/Archeage: Unchained or Borderlands 3 with his pals. We don't really eat breakfast, lunch or brunch because we both wake up at the ungodly hour of 1PM to 3 PM so our first meal of the day is at 4PM and then dinner is at 10PM.
Since I'm practicing to be a reliable, domestic housewife, I take care of the cooking, the cleaning and the other chores. As my boyfriend bluntly told me, "I'm the one earning the money so I think it's only fair if you take care of me and the house." Stay-at-home is great but the wife part isn't.
Kidding aside, I rather like my new role because I'm vanilla as shit and prefer this kind of lifestyle. I'm that lady who believes in living in the suburbs in a modest house, white picket fence, a car, three kids and a dog. It's a quaint idea but I love it. I love the idea of stability, routine and boring loving family life.
There was a time when I was to be a rebel who will not conform to the norms. I drank, smoked, slept around and explored my lifestyle options. In the end, I opted out because I couldn't take it anymore. I realized that I really wanted to have a reliable, boring and vanilla life than a colorful, rainbow colored one. I wanted to wake up beside the same person in the morning, breathe in the same space and grow old in the same house. I wanted to have someone whom I can depend on and cherish for the rest of my short, mortal life. But I digress.
I took some time to look over my email, check on my applications and send new application offers to other companies. I answered emails, followed up on some leads and prayed to God again for more help because I really need to find a job soon.
During the course of the day, I will read, color, watch more Netflix and attempt to finish watching the anime series that I've got on backlog. I wish I had more motivation to hit the gym or to work out at home but I just don't. That's probably why I'm becoming Mrs. Pacman.
When we have dinner, we watch the tv because my boyfriend is awkward AF and cannot carry a decent conversation while eating. Right now, we're watching My Hero Academia during mealtimes.
I swear, I will change this when we have children. When I was growing up, we had to talk during mealtimes whenever my father wasn't around. It was the only time that my mother asked me how my day was and I could hear about my siblings' exploits. I clearly remember hearty laughter and heated debates when my cousins were around. Depriving children of conversation during mealtime will definitely result in someone like my younger brother or my boyfriend who's awkward and unable to start a conversation in front of their families and strangers. I still hate this part of our daily life but unfortunately, I'm getting used to it.
After dinner, he will go back to his computer games and I will be left to my own devices. I won't deny that there are days when I get so bored that I want to gouge my eyes out. There's a sense of independence and co-dependence on our interaction. You're free to do whatever you want inside the house but you're not going to have the same activities. We're always apart but we're still together. You won't get it until you see us in action.
My boyfriend is always engaged in video games and his playtime is at night because that's the time his friends are online. I don't mind the video game habit as long as he's not cheating on me. In my mind, he can play as much as he wants now because we're still childless.
When a kid comes into the picture, he can say goodbye to his games and friends because his time will be cut down to two hours at most. I will definitely raise hell if he doesn't even contribute in changing the diapers, burping or feeding the baby. I fully expect him to be a hands-on parent. Just because your parents didn't do their job doesn't mean you can't do yours. I will be shutting down that cycle when it's our turn to take on parenthood. Unless he's actually engaged in a career that requires games, he's going to have to cut back.
Sometimes, I hate his gaming habit. We don't sleep together at the same time. We don't talk as much. He's just wrapped up in his own virtual world and he remembers my existence when he's hungry. But he doesn't fool around with other girls, smoke, drink or gamble so I guess that's better than nothing...
I don't have good or bad days. I just have long, boring days where I have nothing to do but satisfy my anxiety and OCD by cleaning the whole house from top to bottom. You know I'm antsy when I start cleaning stuff. My boyfriend already figured it out.
I feel like I'm wasting my time by being on an extended vacation but it's not true. This is the best way to get rid of my anxiety and depression. Just take time off, relax and don't think... Well, not as much.
As my mother succinctly said, live one day at a time.
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