It means a lot to me because it gives me something to long for, to wish for and to live for. My stories are full of a maiden's wishful thinking and hopeful yearnings.
This is the secret to my success. I give my readers a sweet escape and a soft illusion where they can pretend that they are the heroes or heroines in a fantastic love story crafted to melt even the hardest heart.
Romance is all about roses, candlelight and sweet music. It means sweeping another person off their feet and promising them the moon and the stars. It's all about the sweet and tender gestures meant to make people want to love being in love! That's what I write about. I write about the romance that is not available to me thus making it accessible to everybody.
How do I define love? I can't really explain it properly without including a long list of tired cliches and high rhetoric. Humans have pondered over the meaning of love for ages. What can a simple girl like me add to the collected musings of humankind? All I know about love is that it's everywhere. We can't escape it. It's simply there.
I think love, honestly, is something bittersweet. It has the ability to empower or to weaken us without a second thought. It comes with happiness and sadness, ecstasy and misery. It's just two sides of the same coin. One cannot exist without the other. It's simply inescapable. It's the essence of life.
If we're not sad then we wouldn't know how it feels to be happy. If we're always happy then we do not appreciate what we have until we lose it or something to that effect. I think love is just like that. You can't be just happy or just sad. It's always a mixture of both emotions.
In my previous relationships, I've known how it feels to swing between heaven and hell. Love is something that always gives me a pleasurable ache or a painful ecstasy. You can't have one or the other. It's always supposed to be taken as a whole.
In spite of this rather cynical view of the madness of love, I'm still a hopeless romantic.
I believe that God will provide me with a man who can answer all of my prayers someday. He'll bless us with a love that is sanctified by the church and accepted by society. It will be a sweet and steady love that will live up to it's promise, "for better or for worse."
We can swallow our differences and struggle together without letting go of each other's hand. Life is full of troubles and hardships but my love will see me through by giving me something to smile at, to laugh at and to rejoice in spite of it all. That's love to me.
God will give me a man who will be strong, trustworthy and full of pride for his family. He doesn't have to be perfect because I'm not. We'll accept each other as we are. We'll probably learn to live with our quirks, differences and inherent weirdness. He'll be sweet to me and he'll make me laugh. We'll probably keep the romance alive even without trying.
God knows what's best for me. He knows what kind of man deserves me and what kind of man will make me happy. When that man comes along, I will love him completely because when I'm in love, I don't hold back, I don't run away from suffering and I endure without complaint. I will love him even through the uncertainty. That's love to me.
The good news is that I already have that man. His name is Duckie and he's the one I've been waiting for.
Our relationship is very young because we've only been dating officially for eight months. But we've known each other longer than that because we've been friends for three years before we started dating each other. It was God's will that we reconnected with each other at the right place in our lives and at the right time. So, timing is everything and he's actually living up to the expectations for my ideal relationship that I've mentioned earlier.
Of course, I am not limited to romantic love. I sincerely believe in keeping up my steadfast love to my family, friends and myself. In loving others, I can understand myself. But in loving myself, I can also understand others.
Self-love is also important to me. It also means not assigning my happiness to other people so I can avoid a life of misery and disappointment.
At this time, I'm in a very vulnerable place in my life. I'm broke because I have no work. I'm fighting my depression. I feel worthless, useless and hopeless most of the time because of this.
What do I do to practice self-care? Well, I started writing on this blog again in an effort to push myself into loving my writing again. I read more books, watch more shows on Netflix and cook different kinds of food. I see friends and family. I sleep on time and eat well.
I try my hardest to maintain a positive, optimistic outlook. Duckie insists on facing my problems with a smile and an optimistic attitude. In my unemployed state, I just think that it's like being on vacation for now. That sounds nice, right? I'm on vacation so I can sleep in, binge-watch shows on Netflix and get lost in books. It sounds less depressing.
Self-love is a journey for me wherein I can learn lots of new things. Someday, I'll be able to figure out how to love, accept and invest on myself. I will be able to smile at myself in the mirror and lovingly tell her, "you're doing okay."
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